Little Johnny

One night a father sent his kid, Johnny, to bed. Five minutes later Johnny screamed, ''Dad! Can you get me a glass of water!?!''''No. You had your chance.''A minute later little Johnny screamed ''Dad!! Can you get me a glass of water?''''No. You had your chance. Next time you ask I'll come up there and spank you.''''Dad! When you come up to spank me can you bring me a glass or water?''

Little Johnny was in his maths class one day when the teacher singled him out."If I gave you $20," the teacher began," and you gave $5 to Mary, $5 to Sally and $5 to Susan, what would you have?""An orgy," Johnny answered.

A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane when the stranger turned to the Little Johnny and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger." Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger, "What would you like to discuss?" "Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about

A grade 5 teacher one day asked the children in her class to make rhymes with their names. First up was Dan. A very adventurous child. "My name is Dan, When I grow up to be a man, I want to go to... [[ This is a content summary only. Visit my website for full links, other content, and more! ]]

A Sunday school teacher was teaching on heaven to a class of kindergarten aged students.She asked them, "Kids if I sell my house and my car, and give all the money to the poor, do I get to go heaven?"The children in unison replied, "No."She asked them again, "What if I quit my job and spend all my time helping orphans, then do I go to heaven?"The children again replied "No."The teacher then asked

Little Lucy was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class.One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, Lucy, who created the universe?" When Lucy didn't stir, Little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear."God Almighty! " shouted Lucy and the teacher said, "Very good," and Lucy fell back

Little Johnny's mother decided to give her son an anatomy lesson one day, so she took off all of her clothes and pointed to her vagina, saying, "Johnny, this is where you came from."Johnny went to school the next day smiling and insisting that all his friends now refer to him as "Lucky Johnny.""Why?" one asked.Johnny held his fingers an inch apart and said, "Because I came this close to being a t

Little Johnny wanted to walk his dog, so he asked his mom if he could."Well, you better go ask your dad, because she is in heat, and he can help you out." said his mom.Little Johnny went out to the garage and found his dad. Where he asked, "Dad, can I take the dog for a walk? Mom said you could help me out because she is in heat.""Sure you can son," he replied. "Just bring her over here first, and

Little Johnny was lost at a large shopping mall. He approached a uniformed policeman and said, "I've lost my grandpa"The cop asked, "What's he like?"Little Johnny replied, "Jack Daniels and women with big tits"

Little Johnny is sitting in a biology class,and the teacher says that an interesting phenomenon of nature is that only humans stutter, no other animal in the world does this.Johnny's hand shoots up. "Not correct, Miss!" he says."Please explain, Johnny," replies the teacher."Well, Miss, the other day I was playing with my cat on the verandah. The neighbors' Great Dane came around the corner, and my

Little Johnny told his teacher he’d found a cat. She asked him if it was dead or alive."Dead." She was informed."How do you know?" she asked her pupil."Because I pissed in its ear and it didn’t move," answered the child innocently."You did WHAT?!?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise."You know," explained Little Johnny, "I leaned over and went ’Pssst!’ and it didn’t move."

Little Johnny walks into his parents room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts. Worried about what her son has seen she dress’s quickly and goes to find him.Little Johnny sees his mom and asks "What were you and dad doing?"The mother replies "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatte

Woohoo! First post...finally! :)RainRain, rain, go away,Come again another day;Little Johnny wants to play.

The teacher at the beginning of the class says:"OK kids, we are going to talk about sexual educationtoday. First we'lltalk about how the human reproduction goes on..."Immediately, little Johnny raises his hand, and desperately tries to get theteacher's attention. But the teacher, knowing howlittle Johnny is aboutthese things, goes on..."... First, a man a woman have to be in love... " Butlittle Jo

A teacher asks her class, ''If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?'' She calls on little Johnny.''None, they all fly away with the first gunshot.''The teacher replies, ''The correct answer is 4, but I like the way you think.''Then Little Johnny says, ''I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is del

Little Johnny came home early from school and started calling his mother with no answer. He finally went up stairs and saw the bedroom door was open a little. When he peered in, he saw his dad on the bed with the maid so he quietly went outside and waited for his mother. When she showed up with some groceries, he said "Mommy, Mommy guess what I saw? I saw daddy upstairs on the bed with the maid and they were......." And his Mother said, "Stop right there, Johnny". Wait until supper tonight when the maid is serving the meal. When I wink at you, and then tell me the story." At supper when all were seated and being served by the maid, she winked and Johnny began again. "Mommy, when I got home from school early today, I was looking for you and saw daddy on the bed with the m

A teacher always took roll call each morning and had the pupils' answer by reciting a short poem. The first kid sat in the first row was a teacher's pet. He stood and said, "My name is Dan, and when I become a man, I would like to go to Japan if I can, and I think I can." The next kid was a little girl who sat in the middle of the room. She stood up and answered the roll call by stating, "My name is Suzy, and when I become a lady I would like to have a baby...if I can, and I think I can." The next on the list was Little Johnny, a smart guy sitting in the back of the room. He stood up and said, "My name is Johnny, and I don't give a damn about Japan but I would like to help Suzy in her plan if I can and I think I can!

Mom, Dad, Steve and Amy - How Much Visitation Can Little Johnny Take? - The courts decision about what is best comes in a custody and visitation order. But what should happen if the couple divorcing is a child's parent and the child's stepparent? Does the stepparent have any right to visitation or custody along with the biological parent? More: continued here Other Review: Liberty Sleigh Crib

Little Johnny rushes home from school. He invades the fridge and is scooping out some cherry vanilla ice cream when his mother enters the kitchen. She says, “Put that away Johnny! You can’t have ice cream now. It’s too close to supper time. Go outside and play.” Johnny whimpers and says, “There’s no one to play [...]

At Sunday school they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam’s ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said, “Johnny, what is the matter?” Little Johnny responded, “I [...]

Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?""No," said his mom, "Of course not."Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"

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Little Johnny stopped by the corner grocery store and read the following list to the clerk: 10 pounds sugar at $1.25 a pound 4 pounds coffee at $1.50 a pound 2 pounds butter at $1.10 a pound 2 bars soap at $.83 each "How much does that come to?" asked Little Johnny. "Twenty-two dollars and thirty-six cents." "If I gave you three ten dollar bills, how much change would I get?" said the boy. "

Little Johnny stopped by the corner grocery store and read the following list to the clerk: 10 pounds sugar at $1.25 a pound 4 pounds coffee at $1.50 a pound 2 pounds butter at $1.10 a pound 2 bars soap at $.83 each "How much does that come to?" asked Little Johnny. "Twenty-two dollars and... [[ This is a content summary only. Visit my website for full links, other content, and more! ]]

Teacher: Why are you late? Johnny: Because of the sign. Teacher: What sign? Johnny: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Teacher: Johny, how do you spell "crocodile"? Johnny: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L" Teacher: No, that's wrong Johnny: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it! --------------

Teacher: Why are you late? Johnny: Because of the sign. Teacher: What sign? Johnny: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Teacher: Johny, how do you spell "crocodile"? Johnny:... [[ This is a content summary only. Visit my website for full links, other content, and more! ]]

LITTLE JOHNNY Can't Spell Little Johnny wasn't a very good at speller. One day, during a spelling exam, the teacher wrote the word "new" on the blackboard. "Now," she asked Johnny, "what word would we have if we placed a "K" in the front?" After thinking a few seconds, Johnny said, "Canoe?" ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

LITTLE JOHNNY Can't Spell Little Johnny wasn't a very good at speller. One day, during a spelling exam, the teacher wrote the word "new" on the blackboard. "Now," she asked Johnny, "what word would we have if we placed a "K" in the front?" After thinking a few seconds, Johnny said,... [[ This is a content summary only. Visit my website for full links, other content, and more! ]]

A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of alcohol, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey and two worms. “Now, class. Observe closely the worms,” said the professor putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be. The second worm, he put into the

A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of alcohol, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey and two worms. “Now, class. Observe closely the worms,” said the professor putting a worm first into the water. The worm... [[ This is a content summary only. Visit my website for full links, other content, and more! ]]

Little Johnny was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his mother, “How was I born?” “The stork brought you to us.” “Oh,” said Little Johnny. “Well, how did you and daddy get born?” he asked. “Oh, the stork brought us too.” “So. . . how were grandpa and grandma born?” “Well, darling, the stork brought them too,” said [...]

I have been sitting on this joke for quite some time. The reason being this is quite long joke. But I still could leave it coz its absolutely hilarious. Check it out. A first-grade teacher, Ms Janet ( Age 28) was having trouble with one of her students The teacher asked,”Little Johnny what is your problem?” Little Johnny [...]

Little Johnny got ripped off for Christmas and writes a letter to Santa Claus. Dear Santa, You must be surprised that I”m writing to you today, the 26th of December. Well, I would very much like to clear up certain things that have occurred since the beginning of the month, when, filled with illusion, I wrote you my letter. I asked for a bicycle, an electric train set, a pair of roller blades, and a football uniform. I destroyed my brain studying the whole year. Not only was I the first in my class, but I had the best grades in the whole school. I”m not going to lie to you, there was no one in my entire neighborhood that behaved better than me, with my parents, my brothers, my friends, and with my neighbors. I would go on errands, and even help the elderly cross the street. There was virtually nothing within reach that I would not do for humanity. What balls do you have leaving me a ***king yo-yo, a stupid whistle and a pair of socks. What the *** were you thinking, you

A third grade teacher always took role call each morning and had the pupils’ answer by reciting a short poem.The first kid sat in the first row was a teachers pet. He stood and said, "My name is Dan, and when I become a man, I would like to go to Japan if I can, and I think I can."The next kid was a little girl who sat in the middle of the room. She stood up and answered the roll call by stating, "My name is Suzy, and when I become a lady I would like to have a baby...if I can, and I think I can."The next on the list was Little Johnny, a smart guy sitting in the back of the room. He stood up and said, "My name is Johnny, and I don’t give a darn about Japan but I would like to help Suzy in her plan if I can....and I think can!"

One day, Little Johnny's teacher, Miss Figpot asked the class if they could name some things you can suck!" "Ice cream, ma'am!" Little Mary answered. "Good, Mary." Miss Figpot said, "Anyone else?". "How about a lollipop!" said Steven. "Very good, now it's your turn Johnny!", the teacher said. Little Johnny, sitting at back then answered, "A lamp!". The teacher and all of the students wondered about his answer. The teacher asked him, "Johnny, why do you think one can suck a lamp?" Last night when I passed my parents room", Little Johnny answered, "I heard my mom say, turn off the lamp, honey and let me suck it."

A teacher asks her class, "If there are five birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Johnny."None, they all fly away with the first gunshot."The teacher replies, "The correct answer is four, but I like your thinking."Then Little Johnny says, "I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream. One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, "Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.""The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on... but I like your thinking."I see you! Don't forget to leave a comment and have a great day. :)

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class.She came to the part where Chicken Little warns the farmer and said, "The sky is falling!"The teacher then asked the class, "And what do you think the farmer said?"Little Johnny quickly raised his hand and said, "I think he said; Holy Sh*t! A talking chicken!"The teachers passes out, Little Johnny strikes again!

The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship. Little Mary led off: “I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30,” she said proudly, “my sales approach was to appeal to the customer’s civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success.” “Very good,” said the teacher. Little Sally was next: “I sold magazines,” she said, “I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them abreast of current events.” “Very good, Sally,” said the teacher. Eventually, it was Little Johnny’s turn. The teacher held her breath. Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher’s desk. “$2,467,” he said. “$2,467,” cried the teacher, “what in the world were you selling?” “Tooth brushes,&r

Little Johnny was staying with his granny for a few days.He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her, "Granny, what's that called when 2 people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?"She was a little taken, but she decided to just tell him the truth. "It's called sexual intercourse, darling".Little Johnny just said, "Oh, OK," and went back outside to play with the other kids.A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, "Granny, it isn't called sexual intercourse.It's called "Bunk Beds". And Jimmy's mom wants to talk to you."

Little Johnny goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way. I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Mommy is the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you The People. The nanny, well, consider her The Working Class. Your baby brother, we'll call him The Future. Now go think about this and see if it makes sense."So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying and runs to his room only to find that his diapers are very soiled. So the little boy goes to his parents' room. Mom is sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he looks through the peephole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand what

little johnny lived in a trailer and had hired a bus driver to drive him around...once little johnny saw a nun and thought she was very hot, and wanted to have sex with her, so he went to her and said "lissen i find you realli hot and wanna have sex with you" the nun got all pissed off,slaped him and walked away...when johnny was gettin off the bus the bus driver told him "you are so0 stupid why

Third grade teacher always took roll call each morning and had the pupils answer by reciting a short poem. The first kid sat in the first row was teacher's pet. He stood and said, "My name is Dan When I become a man, I will go to Japan If I can, And I think I can." The next kid was a little girl who sat in the middle of the room.She stood up and answered the roll call by stating, "My name is

It was the brightest of Sunday mornings as the sun warmed the cool air. And, who should show up to church in his finest suit but little Johnny. Now, little Johnny was no stranger to Bible class; he just wasn't a regular. He sat right pert as the teacher began the class teaching on the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah. She taught them that as Lot's wife left she turned and looked back and turned into a pillar of salt. With that said, little Johnny could stand it no more. "Teacher, Teacher,” he shouted with hand held high. "Yes, little Johnny,” she replied. He answered, "That's nothin' the other day we were riding down the road and my mom looked back and turned into a telephone pole!” I guess we can take away from this lesson to not look back!And, to not look back is what Paul told the church in Philippi: Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are

Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. On this particular day, the teacher wanted to ask her class which part of the body went to heaven first.One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think your mind goes to heaven first because you have to have a mind in order to believe in God."The teacher praises the little girl as a little boy raises his hand. He says, "I think your heart goes to heaven first because God is all about love.""Very good," said the teacher. The teacher looked up and saw Little Johnny's hand up. "Oh no," she thought, "I'm not gonna like this. "Little Johnny, which part of the body do you think goes to heaven first?" Little Johnny thinks for a minute and says, "Your feet." The teacher asked him why he thought your feet go to heaven first.He replied, "Well, I was walking past my parents' bedroom last night and my mom had her feet up in the air and she said, 'Oh God, I'm coming!', but fortunately Dad was on top of her holding her down.